When we choose to live life never walking in another's shoes then we have chosen to live life with our eyes closed.  The saddest part of this is our choice in the matter.  When we build walls and act on anger, fear and hatred, we are walking through life with our eyes closed. But we have the option to open them. To understand that we are not measured by our convictions but by our actions. That there will be no forgiveness for vitriolic or hateful behavior no matter if its roots are in misguided fear and good intentions.  We have control to open our eyes. To walk in another's shoes and empathize, understanding that the human in me is the human in you. It is time to take the responsibility and walk with our eyes open no matter how painful, so that we may leave the world a better place then when we entered it.

We humans like to categorize ourselves to both differentiate one another and find commonalities between each other.  As a young child I was troubled by these categories we created.  The idea of us and them, we and they, and you and me made me feel disconnected from others.  It was in these same moments of discomfort that my gut would say that these differences we highlighted between ourselves or about ourselves only served to harm our greater purpose and ability. As humans we are bestowed with the unique ability to understand one another, to reach out, listen and empathize.  Yet with these categories it seemed just as easy for us to divide and respond with apathy.   

For me, the root of this apathy came down to these categories.  If I see myself as so different from you then it will be hard for me to understand how to be compassionate towards you.  If I see myself as part of one group and you as part of another then what is there to connect us.  It was in these moments that I realized the roots of hate and violence are grown from seeds of difference and that these divisions, though formidable, can be dismantled if we recognize that the human in me is the same human in you.  That my suffering is not unlike your suffering and that together we have a greater chance at reducing it.

However, it is not easy, nor is it comfortable to dismantle these categories and look towards our commonalities.  But like any practice it has become easier with time.  It is my hope that in cultivating this practice and passing it on that we may be able to build bridges in this divisive time.  

Pain is a daily occurrence in my life.  I have come to appreciate its presence even on my worst of days.  Even when it is so bad that I am left with only a single question: Why?  

Pain has a way of humbling even the most confident of us.  It reminds us of our fallibility's, of our impermanence.   It is the most basic manifestation of suffering.  We suffer because we are in pain.  But the best part of pain is that it is not unique, but rather that it is ubiquitous.

You have been in pain, your neighbor or co-worker has been in pain.  That random stranger on the bus has been in pain.  We have all been in pain.  And while we could get into the nitty gritty and talk about how our pain might be different, the fact is that it has led to our suffering.  We have all suffered and we all know what it means to suffer.

It is our understanding of suffering that enables us to exercise our empathy, our compassion and love.  It is the reason we can forgive and understand a point of view so seemingly different from our own.

Our suffering provides an opportunity to learn and understand, to connect and grow.  But first we must meet it half way and understand that we never suffer alone.  That others have walked along similar paths and faced similar feats.  If we can understand this basic principle, that no one truly suffers alone, then our collective power will be greater then our worst fears and stronger then we could ever imagine.

In our pain lives our suffering, and should we choose to accept the challenge, in our suffering our empathy can grow.  With empathy we foster connection and when we are connected we are never alone.  It is from this cycle of suffering and empathy that I derive hope.  Hope that empathy leaves little room for anger and hate to take hold. For if we are connected we cannot hate one another but can instead understand what we already intuitively know.  That the answer to our challenges is compassion, and with compassion we will ultimately grow.

I believe that words are not just words. I believe that they are the method for which we convey our ideas and ideas are powerful for they are the basis of our rationalization to act the way we do. I believe that we should never dismiss words as just words because they hold more power than we could ever imagine to change the world for better or for worse. Nazism started as words, that inspired an idea, that incited violence against a group of people. Ideas are powerful forces which constitute our beliefs and provide reason to our actions and ideas begin as words.

We communicate with words to convey our feelings, sentiments and emotions. To find those that agree and disagree with us. To connect and build community and sometimes to destroy it. We need to test our ideas, measure them against the principles of human compassion and empathy and if they are rooted in feelings of hate, I encourage us to let them go. Ideas rooted in our feelings of hate only serve to divide us. If we are divided our ability to find empathy with one another is compromised and in that compromise grows a space where horrible actions can occur justified by our anger and hate. It is because of this danger that words are never just words.

Words are our ideas, they are our beliefs and we should choose them carefully so that we do not provide reasons to divide ourselves. The more we are divided the more space there is for hate and violence. So I ask you to think of what world you want to live in, one where division and hate become stronger or one where we live by histories lessons and learn from our divisive mistakes.

​First they came for the Socialists, and I did not speak out
Because I was not a Socialist.

Then they came for the Trade Unionists, and I did not speak out
Because I was not a Trade Unionist.

Then they came for the Jews, and I did not speak out
Because I was not a Jew.
​
Then they came for me—and there was no one left to speak for me.

--Pastor Martin Niemoller

Change is the only constant.  Most of the time we go about our lives without any recognition of how impermanent everything is.  We remain blissfully unaware until an event so impactful stops us in our tracks and takes our breath away.  It’s in these moments, no matter how, painful, awkward or beautiful that we are reminded how quickly everything can change.  

Moments like this remind us that what we take for granted as constant is often anything but.  They have the power to instill a sense of urgency to live in the present and be thankful for what we know.  At the same time they can also challenge us to not let the fear of what we do not know paralyze us from the present. There is beauty in the contrast of urgency and cautiousness these experiences can leave us with.

Recently my family lost its eldest matriarch a woman who had been the strong foundation to many.  Someone who has had a deeper impact on my life, and others, than I could ever have imagined.  She was alive during the second World War and the great depression.  She saw the civil and women's rights movements come into the mainstream.  What she saw I cannot even begin to fathom.  But what I do understand from both first hand experience and stories that were shared is that she was strong, resilient and kind.  She gave her time, her energy, her faith and most importantly her intellectuality to leave this world a better place.

While the pain of her passing and the fear that I wasn’t present enough is real the fact that she is gone has re-inspired a sense of urgency to live life fully.  To not take for grated what I can not know but most importantly to embrace the qualities I know have had a lasting impact on my life; altruism and empathy.  

These qualities are not simple or easy to embody they take courage to practice and time integrate.  But I know that the more I approach each person and each situation with these qualities I can begin to make the world a more connected and less divided place. Since change is the only constant I can only hope that my approach may influence others to do the same and perhaps one day our collective impact will be great.  All I know is I hope to leave this world a better place and to find grace in the change

It was  a long dry summer and as the days turned from hot and baking to wet and damp there was a collective sigh of relief.  Drought has taken its toll this year and I have secretly craved the rain.  While the endless blue sky of this summer was beautiful it was also a reminder of the changing climate and the shifting seasons.  

I craved the rain not only because we desperately needed it but because when it rains it is like we’re given permission to slow down.  To cuddle up with a book and take a day to rest away from the chaos.  This is often times the respite we so desperately need yet never give ourselves permission to take until the rain reminds us that there is another way and it is slower.

Just the sound of the rain is calming.  The pitter patter on the roof of a house, the gurgle of the gutters as it searches for the ground.  Even the booms and crashes of lightning remind us of excitement within the calm.  

Now I acknowledge that not every rain is soothing.  Some storms are big and scary but the rain no matter how brief or torrential has a way of helping us take pause.  Reminding us that there is more to life then our jobs and smartphones.  That what really matters may not even be what we think about on a daily basis but more importantly what surrounds us.

It's easy to get caught up in the details. To let your worries and doubts hold back your dreams and ambitions. If someone had told me at 12 years old that in 12 years I would have an incurable chronic condition I'm not sure what I would've done. I'm not even sure it would've changed my path. But what I do know now is that it has given me a very different perspective. Being slapped in the face by a diagnosis that simply must be endured and battled everyday has a way of testing your patience for even the simplest of life's daily elements. But it also had a way of opening your eyes to the beauty and ugly in the world.

We as humans are capable of the most touching of actions.  Yet we are also capable of the most heinous of crimes.  We pit ourselves against each other measuring our selves against each others perfections and flaws.  We battle each other for “rightness”, standing on our own soapbox of experiences and beliefs.    We have the capacity for empathy but sometimes we don't exercise it. 

When you strip away all of our personal experiences, cultures and beliefs we are simple beings.  We simply want to live the best life that we can.  We want to survive and endure free of fear and persecution.

Each generation for many generations has faced its own version of atrocities and miracles.   World wars have divided us.  Economics has divided us.  Race has divided us. Religion has divided us.  Gender has divided us.  I could go on as there are truly so many ways we can divide ourselves but in the end these divisions, whatever they may be, continue to destroy us.  

It is not easy to confront what we are uncomfortable with.  Discussions about the characteristics that differentiate us, and sometimes violently divide us, often lead to silence.  But if we instead approach these divides with a simple question and an honest reply we may begin to strengthen the web that connects us. We can start by asking "how are you" to one another and always replying with and honest answer. 

In our honesty we can bring about real connection by providing each other with the opportunity to deepen our empathetic muscles and strengthen our human connections.  If we are empathetically connected our divisions can no longer decisively divide us.  I believe we can dismantle the feelings of “us” and “them” through the simplest of actions. Like a smile on the street to a stranger or a “how are you” to a sales clerk.   Holding the door for a mother or father with a baby carriage or giving up your seat on the train or bus, if you are able so, so someone who you perceive needs it more can sit. An honest answer to a “How are you”,   and so many more. By practicing some of these simple actions we can begin to nurture our own empathetic inclinations and with time we can change the world.

Empathy  can help us bridge our divides.
Remember we’re all on a journey and we can be stronger together.

~EAB

I’ve lived my life thus far on a pendulum swinging between varying extremes.  Moving between opposing beliefs and opinions. Trying them on for size.  Moving one way only to move back again.  Never swinging far enough to one extreme to feel completely lost or aloof but far enough to know it wasn’t where I wanted to be.  What I’ve ultimately learned as I’ve swung back and forth is that we’re bombarded by information that creates noise in our lives.  Noise that blinds us from our genuine selves and our true needs.  Having a chronic condition doesn’t leave much room for this noise. I’ve ultimately learned that  freedom from this pendulum, from stress, excessive worry and concern are my ultimate goals.

So if that is the case, why do I repeatedly find myself overwhelmed and discontented.  Is it only me?  I think it can’t be.  

How can we free ourselves from worry? How do we learn to embody a life that bestows us with fulfillment.  For me it started with learning the lesson behind the proverb “less is more”.

Less doesn't always mean more, sometimes less just means less. But that less has the power to bestow a type of freedom. Freedom from worry and stress. Perhaps that is why the minimalist movement has taken hold in some places. Or why Tiny Houses are so appealing to some (article here and here). Or maybe its why some people always see the glass as half full, because it leaves room to grow and breathe.

What ever piece of magic “less” holds I am glad it has graced me with its presence in certain aspects of my life.

Here are some of the ways less has blessed me

A smaller home means less to take care of and clean
Less clothes makes it simpler to get dressed on a dragging morning
Less objects means a de-cluttered space (which helps me be calm)
Less commitments means more freedom for spontaneity (I’m working on this one)

Most beneficial from all of this less is that it has helped reduce my stress. Now, none of these lifestyle choices were easy when I made the commitment to them. But I have been thankful for the results. I think the idea of “less” will be different for each person but I hope that if you feel overwhelmed, tired of swinging on that pendulum that you try on some less of your own size and maybe, just maybe it will bless you with some fulfilling results.

It has been a while since I posted.  In that time I’ve had adventures, seen amazing places and had time to ponder.  I realized in my pondering that each and every one of us puts on regular performances. Whether it be to assimilate into a group, to inspire, to hide true feelings or to act in ways we perceive are socially acceptable, we are continually putting on the “theater of our lives”.  Often times we put on this theater instead of being our authentic selves…if we even know what that is.  Instead we “present” ourselves to the world around us whether it is beneficial to us or not.  So how do we dig ourselves out of this “theater” and live our authentic selves.  How do we reconcile the expectations we perceive and the truths we feel inside.

I go back to a post I made a while ago.  We must be bold, take risks and speak our truths but we must also learn to meet others in the spaces of their true selves. Maybe then we can begin to live our authentic selves.  Freeing our minds from the pressures of perceptions of what “we should be” and instead discover a more holistic and fulfilling existence.  Did I get a bit existential for you?  ;)

So here is part of my truth in a short poetic essay. I hope it inspires you to explore your own truths and discover your authentic self. To be bold and honest with whatever you find.

There are days I wake up and know in my bones that today is a day where my burdens will consume my thoughts.  They will remind me of all of my faults, frustrate me by taunting me with limitations and physically drain me as a result of pain.  I will feel like I am 100, although I am not yet 30. 

I will wear a mask to hide the cracks in my facade.  I will grit my teeth in the name of appearances because to show weakness is to fail.

Or so I have been lead to believe.

I will practice this theater, keeping the storm I manage below the surface.  All will appear calm and quiet while on the inside I manage a riot.

Nerves signal their fury, causing aches and burns from my toes to my eyes.

I will want to cry.

And only in an empty dark room will I find the solace of tears. 

The release in acknowledging I am being crushed from the inside.

Yet the hardest part of it all, isn’t the riot.

It’s maintaining the façade of quiet. 

Who does it benefit? I question,

And am I ready to fight it.

It's easy to get caught up in the details. To let your worries and doubts hold back your dreams and ambitions. If someone had told me that someday I would have an incurable chronic condition I'm not sure what I would've done. I'm not even sure it would've changed my path. But what I do know is that it has awakened a different perspective. Being slapped in the face by a diagnosis that simply must be endured and battled everyday has a way of testing your patience for even the simplest of life's daily elements. But it also has a way of opening your eyes to the beauty and ugly in the world.

We as humans are capable of the most touching of actions.  Yet we are also capable of the most heinous of crimes.  We pit ourselves against each other measuring our selves against one anther's perfections and flaws.  We battle each other for “rightness”, standing on our own soapbox of experiences and beliefs.  We build our own personal foundations and walls and sometimes harden in our own place allowing these divisions to form rivers around us and disconnect us from one another.  We become our own little islands, out of touch with one another.  But despite these divides we have the capacity to bridge them.  To connect with one another through empathy.

We have the capacity for empathy but sometimes we don't exercise it.  However, when you strip away all of our personal experiences, cultures and beliefs we are simple beings.  We simply want to live the best life that we can.  We want to survive and endure practicing our beliefs and cultures free of fear and persecution.

Each generation for many generations has faced its own version of atrocities and miracles.   World wars have divided us.  Economics has divided us.  Race has divided us. Religion has divided us.  Gender has divided us.  I could go on as there are truly so many ways we can divide ourselves but in the end these divisions, whatever they may be, continue to destroy us. 

It is not easy to confront what we are uncomfortable with.  Discussions about the characteristics that differentiate us and sometimes violently divide us often lead to silence.  But if we instead approach these divides with a simple question and an honest reply we may begin to strengthen the web that connects us. We can start by asking "how are you" to one another and always replying with and honest answer.  

In our honesty we can bring about real connection by providing each other with the opportunity to deepen our empathetic muscles and strengthen our human connections.  If we are connected our divisions can no longer decisively divide us.  I believe we can dismantle the feelings of “us” and “them” through the simplest of actions.  A smile on the street to a stranger.  A “how are you” to a sales clerk.  Holding the door for a mother or father with a baby carriage.  Giving up your seat on the train or bus if you are able so someone who you perceive needs it more can sit. An honest answer to a “How are you”,   and so many more. By practicing some of these simple actions we can begin to nurture our own empathetic inclinations and with time we can change the world. We can build bridges of human connections between our personal islands and through empathy heal the divides.

...remember we’re all on a journey and we can be stronger together...

~EAB