Summer...and sickness

"You Are Loved" building mural Burlington Vermont.

We so rarely talk about our troubles.  I takes a great deal of courage to be honest with ourselves and with others.  Whatever holds us back from that honesty, be it fear, disbelief or stubbornness, ultimately doesn't serve us or those around us.  This is quite possibly one of the hardest lessons I am learning.  And I say "learning" because I still haven't quite got it and quite possibly never will.

Its been a while since I posted.  Since April in fact.  But that hasn't been because I haven't been writing.  I've been writing quite a bit.  I just haven't been sure I should share what I've been crafting. Because what I've been writing is possibly the most candid, honest and forthright essays I've ever penned.  I've been writing about being chronically ill.

This past summer has been possibly the sickest I've been for the longest I can remember.  Its been a test of both my resolve and my families and although we took some great vacations, experienced some neat places this summer was a test to our normal.  It forced us to acknowledge I'm sick and I'm not going to get better and most importantly that if I don't change and those around me don't change I will likely only get sicker.

Living with a chronic illness is like riding a roller coaster.  Each experience is unique, no one day is the same.  Its full of unexpected and forces you to stay on your toes and get good at adapting or get sicker in the process.   I wish I could say I have the answers but I don't.  All I know is that I am trying to find balance...A life long pursuit...which is more important now than ever. 

This summer I have begun to learn that I'm not alone.  There are millions like me both visibly and invisibly ill trying to live and contribute as best they can.  I guess I can only hope that by sharing my story and some of those  candid essays I wrote this summer that I will help others. 

Just as fall is a constant reminder of change I am reminded that I too can change, be brave and hopefully help the world in the process.

Remember life is about the journey

~EAB

If you are chronically ill or struggling check out The Mighty its a great website with lots of stories of people struggling and succeeding while living with a wide variety of chronic illnesses.