We all carry with us some struggle that we harbor internally. We hide it from the world through feigned health and happiness believing that to show our struggle would somehow mean showing weakness or incapability. I have done this for years and believe there will always be an internal struggle. But who benefits from keeping these struggles hidden? The answer I have kept returning to is no one. Relationships are strained when we hide our struggles, people not understanding the full picture are left to make assumptions good or bad. More importantly our own health and happiness are sacrificed in the process of our deception to the world. Despite this knowledge it is hard to become visible. To speak with honesty about the struggles we face for fear that they might overshadow our accomplishments. I am invisible. The true self that I hide from the world is one that struggles daily with pain, exhaustion, frustration, humbleness, and gratitude. I am grateful for what I am capable of but I struggle with what I cannot do and will never be able to do without great consequence. I am one hell of an actress but I am tired of acting. When I am not okay…it is not okay to pretend that I am. I can’t count the number of times I have thought about just disappearing. Slowly slipping into the night, out of my life, never to return. It is as if part of me believes that escaping from my current circumstances would somehow free me to live more honestly and holistically. The reality is that that “notion” of escape will never provide the relief I seek. Only honesty with those around me will help me find the strength to do what I need to do. To take care of myself and those around me. I believe deeply that I am not the only one who feels this way. So I am left asking "why is it so hard to be our true selves, to live boldly and honestly?" The answer is complicated and unclear. The world is a hectic place, with a myriad of beliefs and ideas. It is a mix of beautiful and ugly, inspirational and discouraging. Each day we are bombarded with judgments positive and negative about how best to lead our lives and uplift or condemn the actions of others. Some days, like today, I feel the negative is stronger than the positive. That to take actions to adjust my life so that I may be more balanced and productive will be condemned as weakness and incapability. However, it is in moments like these that a sense of clarity strikes my mind. We have a responsibility to change that atmosphere of negativity to uplift ourselves and those around us. To not jump on the bandwagon of judgment and instead step back and ask questions that allow us to slip on someone else’s shoe and walk in someone elses life. When we engage in this exercise, we hone our ability to see another view point and cultivate the capacity for empathy and compassion for one another. This is not easy, it burdens our hearts and minds deeply when we begin to carry the weight of others struggles as if they were our own. But in our sharing of this weight, even if for just a moment, we can find the connection and acceptance that despite our different beliefs, ideas and judgments that we are simply conscious beings looking to live the best life we can. So I challenge us all to become visible, to allow each of us to lift each other up with compassion. To recognize that our disagreements make us unique and challenge us to find places where our disagreement ends and our empathy and compassion begin. In becoming visible we take a risk, but with this risk comes the chance to inspire others to meet you half way and build a more compassionate world. Take the risk, become visible and remember its about the journey… ~EAB
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Your walking down the street when you exclaim…”wait where are my sunglasses”…your friend replies “on your face”…you both proceed to laugh hysterically. You walk into a cafe and see a good friend that you went hiking with last week. You say hello and begin to catch up with whats happened since. You realize halfway through your conversation that you can’t remember their name. Hours later, long after the café has closed their name comes to you and suddenly you exclaim with elation “Mary!” You’re in a meeting to assign some new work to the team when you interject “oh I think that, that, that the intern can do that”. Your coworker’s chuckle…”You mean Rob” they say simultaneously. “Yes of course” you reply giggling to yourself. Rob’s been an intern for 8 months…you see him every work day…nobody calls him “the intern”. Your significant other asks “want to watch a show?” you say “Sure, lets watch, ummmm, that show where the girl was left in Time Square in a duffle bag” Your significant other replies “You mean Blindspot”… These are the little pieces of hilarity that make up my daily existence. For those who suffer from fibromyalgia this might sound like a familiar symptom of Fibro Fog. Fibro Fog, like brain fog, is characterized by having difficulty concentrating, finding words, holding conversations, feeling alert and remembering things. In my case I happen to have trouble with nouns...names of people, places and items. It’s part of a range of symptoms that manifest as a result of a condition called Fibromyalgia. So I know everybody has these “brain farts” especially when we’re tired, decaffeinated, overworked, or stressed out. However, they can be embarrassing when they happen on a daily and weekly basis despite getting good sleep and not being super stressed. That’s the key difference between fibro fog and regular brain fog. With fibro, even if you’re receiving treatment and are getting good sleep this symptom may not go away. It’s just one of those cracks in your dam that makes your life both a little more hysterical and frustrating.
So what are you to do? My main strategy is to stay funny…and laugh when instances of memory loss happen. To shake it off and acknowledge that this is a result of a condition I navigate every day and its okay. While there are lots of other strategies out there like getting sleep, practicing meditation, using notes and lists to remind you. I find it’s difficult to keep a cheat sheet of my friend’s names in my pocket at all times without being conspicuous. I mean…really?? Can’t remember your best friends name…or that your sunglasses are on your face…now that’s ironic and just plain funny. So if you’re struggling with memory, next time an instance like this happens, let yourself chuckle, be honest with what you’re navigating and shake it off. Remember life is a journey….and the more laughter on that journey…the better. ~EAB Okay that title was my ridiculous attempt at bringing humor into a subject that many people probably don't find so humorous. But for me humor is part of healing. It helps keep an atmosphere of positivity in a situation that can be anything but positive. Its an important mechanism for staying constructive in the face of misfortune. It allows us to laugh at ourselves, recognize our own limitations and take strides to find balance again. Finding balance can be difficult when you suffer from chronic fatigue syndrome. Especially when its paramount characteristic is an unrelenting exhaustion that doesn’t go away with rest. Every cell in your body just wills you to stop. I’m guessing many of us have been there at some point in our lives. Been so fatigued that we just wanted to cry or collapse and not move for hours. If you haven't been there you are lucky and I hope that you never experience this feeling. Now imagine feeling that way every day or at least every day for weeks on end. That is what its like to suffer from chronic fatigue syndrome. A condition that often manifests in tandem with fibromyalia. Now like every illness or condition it goes in waves some days the exhaustion is heavier than others. That is why I find it so important to laugh at myself when I am feeling deeply exhausted. To laugh and recognize that its my bodies way of saying: “I ain’t got time for any of that BS”. No time for stress, No time for hate, No time for anger, No time for resentment, No time to take for granted, No time to waste, I’m guessing you get the idea. Basically what suffering from Chronic Fatigue Syndrome has taught me is that I need to channel that person that doesn’t seem to get riled up by anything and is so chill you question whether they are human. (I mean really how are they so relaxed all the time…do they secretly explode when no one is around???). But I digress. In any case my body has become its own B.S. meter reminding me to let go of all of the responses and feelings that suck up very valuable energy. It reminds me I have no time to get in my own way. It empowers me to say “NO” to all of the crap and cultivate a life that is more fulfilling and for this I am grateful.
Now this doesn’t mean I’ve begun frolicking about, overjoyed by the freedom of letting go of all the B.S. in my life, because remember I originally got that reminder because I was exhausted to the point of not wanting to move. Instead when I start to feel those energy suckers creep their way in, I remember to re-prioritize and make my way towards balance. It is a lesson that many of us struggle to fully practice and embody in our lives. I for one am grateful to have found that lesson. Now I just need to learn to embody it…hmm maybe that's a slice of the secret to being that relaxed easy going person…now I just have to perfect it. Remember life is a journey... ~EAB I’m sure most of us have heard the saying “when life gives you lemons, make lemonade”. Its one of those universal feel good sayings we pull out of our quivers when we are confronted with comforting someone who is suffering. Its ultimately a consolation that “life sucks” but an encouragement to try to make the best of it. Hopefully many of us will never know what it means to have to make this figurative lemonade. We may face challenges that we must overcome but they are challenges that ultimately have a resolution. But what if you are faced with a challenge that has no resolution? A challenge whose effects can only be mitigated but not eliminated? Is this the type of situation where making lemonade becomes more then just a figurative phrase? For me, this has been the case. Receiving a diagnosis of a fibromyalgia was both a relief and a curse. I was blessed with finally knowing that my experience was real and that it was not normal. However, unlike the challenges I had faced before in my life, this one has no resolution. There are ways to mitigate its impact but it will never go away. The weight of this revelation nearly crushed me when the relief of having a diagnosis finally faded. I was not going to get better, not at least until modern medicine found a cure. And I’m not holding my breath for that. If I did, I would likely faint endlessly. Instead I am working to harness the courage to learn to embody the lessons that are so often shared but never fully internalized. I’ve been coached throughout life, like many others have I’m sure, that beauty is in the eye of the beholder, that I shouldn’t judge a book by its cover, that the grass is always greener on the other side, that there is no time like the present, that when life gives you lemons make lemonade, that patience is a virtue, that I shouldn’t judge someone until I’ve walked a mile in there shoes, that honesty is the best policy, and so many more. These proverbs are so often mentioned in off the cuff ways with relative frequency that their original intentions get lost in the humor and commonality of their use. But the funny thing about life with fibromyalgia is it gives you a jolting, eye opening, smack you in the face type of perspective. I’m sure there are other situations that have this benefit too. So what do you do when you’re smacked in the face unexpectedly. Well, if you’re me you would stare dumbfounded straight ahead letting the tingling sensation in your cheek slowly ebb away. After the sting of the initial smack had dissipated you might let out a lot of swears…it would be an endless cacophony of…F***, S****, D***…you get the idea. Then it might dawn on you how much time and energy is wasted on negativity. That the hatred or anger that you harbor against pieces of yourself or others usurps precious energy you don’t have. Its ironic when negativity becomes a luxury. You realize how much of your life you spent feeding it and in that moment you may begin to let it go. I internalized all of this after my “smack in the face” from fibro. I found that the grass isn’t greener on the other side…its just my current viewpoint that makes it appear that way. That there really is no time like the present, because tomorrow you may be so sick you can’t move. These are the reasons why I am thankful for my curse as much as I am hindered by it. It is why I work hard to smile when I’m slapped and laugh at the ridiculousness of wasting time on negativity. I hope that by sharing this you may find the courage like I have to let go and begin to set yourself free…you may not always succeed but remember… Its about the journey… ~EAB Lets talk about my bro, no not my bestie or an actual brother, my fibro. For those who don’t know, “fibro” is short for fibromyalgia a condition currently characterized by a hyper-sensitive and over active nervous system. It usually manifests as widespread chronic pain but has a myriad of other related and lesser known symptoms. In any case fibro makes life thrilling, never a dull moment for sure. But just like any brother, or family member for that matter, fibro is a bit pesky, temperamental, and sometimes just plain rude. It doesn’t care about your plans, hopes or dreams it just wants your attention and wants it NOW, if you know what I mean. My journey with fibro happened long before I actually had a diagnosis. Doctors…I’ve seen 8…aren’t quick to diagnose it. Its true that its a tough condition to diagnose but more importantly its not well understood so many doctors don’t think of it quickly. Unfortunately these two factors mean that people go undiagnosed and untreated for YEARS. While many are able to remain functional, like myself, people with fibro often times struggle to reconcile why living what seems to be an “average” life is so difficult. More importantly we struggle to reconcile that to the outside world we look completely normal while on the inside some wires got a bit crossed. Now I’ve heard people use the spoon analogy to describe what its like to have lupus and I’ve heard it applied to fibromyalgia, but having fibromyalgia is more than not having enough spoons. Its not having enough spoons while also using them faster than average. So I like to use this analogy more… Think of your energy as if it was a river. Your body has built a dam on that river creating a pool of energy to draw from as needed. You have a solid dam with one outlet to draw energy out of. You can regulate how much you open or close this dam. For example, lets say you want to go for a walk, you simply open up your dam a bit more and use the energy to propel yourself forward. Or maybe you have a big project deadline at work, so you hunker down and put in some extra time, drawing on your reserves to pull you through. Now lets say your someone with fibromyalgia. You too have a river of energy and a dam that helps regulate its use. Except unlike the average person your dam isn’t so solid. Its got lots of micro fractures and leaks created by fibromyalgia and its related conditions. Insomnia…that's a crack…Chronic pain, that's another crack…inadequate digestion.. another crack…chronic headaches…another crack…you’re probably getting the picture. For someone with fibromyalgia regulating their energy is difficult because so much of it is lost from all of these cracks. We have to make choices about what we can accomplish in a day. We have to make choices a healthy human being doesn’t have to…like can we go to that movie after work and still accomplish the tasks we need to the next day. Or should I drink that glass of wine at dinner with friends and suffer the potential for catastrophic digestive upset…i’ll spare you the details. Someone with fibro makes all these micro decisions continuously throughout the day all while appearing relatively normal, I might add. So the next time someone says I have fibro, you’ll know a bit more about it and can ask, hows your fbro today. remember…life…is about the journey ~EAB Its been a while since I posted. Life got a bit ahead of me in the past six weeks and I just barely kept up. In that time I came to realize how important and powerful honesty can be. It was one of those humbling life moments that reminds you, you can’t know it all, that in fact sometimes it is better that you live in the curiosity of questions you don’t yet fully know the answers to. Learning to appreciate the journey, understanding that those questions will find answers that will only lead to more questions and discoveries. In the past six weeks my outlook has changed, my goals have shifted. I've had to take a hard look at my life and ask myself what I truly want. What I found, was that what I want has remained very constant. I want to help people. I want to help people so that this world can be full of more courageous empathetic forward thinkers. Now I don't expect to accomplish this in any grandiose way. Rather, I hope that by sharing my journey through this blog that others will find inspiration and courage to follow their own paths and be the change they want to see in the world. Perhaps in this way I will leave this world a better place then when I came into it. There is nothing about my journey that I believe is exceptional but there is plenty of wisdom I think I can cull from it. It may be your basic everyday sort of wisdom for some but for others it might be full of epiphanies. In any case this is just a long-winded way of saying I'm going to start writing more. But more specifically I'm going to start writing more about the fact that I've been diagnosed with a chronic incurable condition. A condition that has shaped my life for several years now and will continue to shape it into the future. A condition known as Fibromyalgia. I hope that by sharing my journey that I am able to provide a voice to those who are like me but more importantly a voice that reminds us all of the humor, the tragedy, the hope, the opportunity, and the beauty that life can provide us. It is true that life is short, that it throws us curve balls we never saw coming. In the end it is up to us to find a way to catch those curve balls and make the most of what we have been taught by life. …Its about the journey… Sincerely EAB Yes, you read that right, I said mayo, as in mayonnaise. The condiment that people put on sandwiches in tuna and chicken salad...I could go on but I'm guessing you get the picture. A long time ago, somewhere around the age of 10 or 12 I got sick on some rancid mayonnaise. Blah, yuck, gag. It was, to say the least, an uncomfortable experience. From that point on I said I would never eat the stuff again. Instead I mixed my tuna with Dijon mustard (kind of strange, I know, but I didn't want to eat it plain) and had my sandwiches dry. Fast forward to 2016, I was talking to my husband about a mutual friend that had had a bad experience with a group of people in a particular line of work. Our friend had subsequently had more recent encounter with another person in the same line of work that had also gone poorly. A light bulb went on in my head. Could it be that our friends expectations, shaped by a previous real life experience, was impacting their current and future experiences? Could it be that our expectations and beliefs become reality because we think they are absolute? Then I thought about my aversion to mayonnaise. I know it sounds like a jump, but stick with me. I truly and absolutely believed that mayonnaise was gross and that I would always get sick off of it. However, what I realized while talking about our mutual friend and their issues with people in a certain line of work, was that I hadn't had mayonnaise in over a decade so how could I really know if I'd still get sick off of it. The truth was that I got sick off of "RANCID" mayonnaise. A specific jar of rancid mayonnaise not a fresh opened jar of mayonnaise. Just like our friend had a bad experience with a specific person in a specific line of work not every person in that line of work. How often do we let one experience shape our expectations so absolutely that it ensures that our expectations are always the outcome. How do we let ourselves become so rigid in our beliefs that we are unable to meet in the middle and attempt to understand the viewpoint of another person. I realized through this thought process that my avid aversion to mayonnaise was basically ridiculous. That my one experience shouldn't shape my entire future. That if I work hard at being open and receptive I may in fact be delightfully surprised. And that is how I came to the Mayo Compromise. Something as simple and silly mayonnaise has impacted my life by reminding me to remain open and conscious of how my own expectations can shape my future. Every new year people across the country make resolutions. Perhaps its something new to try, a goal to reach or a change they'd like to make. Whatever the resolution may be, its around the month of march that enthusiasm begins to wain if it hasn't already. Life gets the better of us. Old habits die hard. The new year doesn't seem so different from the last and you feel like your on the same path. A year ago or so, in march of 2015, I made a simple resolution with myself. It wasn't long after winter started to thaw that I began to recognize the truth in the notion "there's never a perfect time". So I made the commitment to myself that I wouldn't wait for the "perfect" moment to do, try or say something. If I thought of an activity, thought, or change I wanted to make I would simply do my best to implement it right away. "Why wait" was my mantra. Not being one for resolutions in the traditional sense I was skeptical of the whole idea. But I quickly realized that all a resolution is, is a commitment to approach each moment as an opportunity to implement your goals, reach for your hopes and follow the path that you dream about. What I learned from implementing this resolution is that you can't always act on a thought when you have it. However, after embodying this resolution as a new mindset I found it had a deeper impact in ways I'd never expected. I began to make a lists of activities, now seemingly exponential, that I wanted to do. I became more organized around doing, saying and trying activities that brought me joy. From writing, to sewing, to crafting, to sharing on social media, to hiking by myself, to taking more photographs, to spending time reading, or being active with my family and so much more. What I realize now that I didn't realize a year ago is that so much of my time was spent holding back, waiting for the right time, that I missed out on little joys that surrounded me. From ferns growing out of a brick wall, to what a frost heave looks like up close, to the way sunlight cast shadows on my husbands back as we ride bikes and so much more.
Now I am far from perfect in implementing this resolution. I definitely still hesitate, but what I have gained is the perspective to challenge that hesitation. I'm excited to continue to hone my skills with this resolution and live life boldly present. I hope perhaps that this will help you do the same. #livelifeboldlypresent For those of you who know me it comes as no surprise that I like to explore the past. It's trinkets and treasures carry memories and lessons that have the power to enlighten and inspire us. Perhaps it's a bit of nostalgia combined with a bit of curiosity that pushes me to ask questions of how we can learn from the past to make our future better. To that end I have found that by exploring our histories in trinkets and treasures, whether it's the kind you find displayed in museums, sold in antique shops and thrift stores or the items we've discovered and display in hour homes, each piece carries a story and within that story a lesson. On a recent antique outing I came across what at first seemed to be a funny little book. Displayed on a book-stand, this grey and weathered book was originally published in 1913, over 100 years ago. Just realizing the age of the book made me think of what had happened since its first printing. Two world wars, the expansion of the electrical grid, the wide adoption of the car, the invention of the computer, the passage of a woman's right to vote, the civil rights movement and so much more. In a mere thirty seconds this simple book left me awestruck at what has been accomplished in 100 years and how much more we have yet to accomplish. I was both appreciative and inspired by this books simple message. A collection of friendly thoughts compiled to give to someone you love or care about. Today a book like this may not be successful if printed but its simple and caring messages reminded me of how powerful kindness and empathy can be. How empathy has pushed humans to find resolutions to challenging problems throughout time. The books basic guiding principle of kindness offers wisdom to anyone who is willing to pause and listen. To slow down and acknowledge that what is most important in life is the connection we have with others and more importantly that the pertinence of that connection lies in our ability to empathize and see the world through the eyes of another. All of this from a simple book printed over 100 years ago. There's no knowing what we'll find if we open our eyes and welcome the unexpected. I will likely never forget this book, and though I regret not purchasing it, I am thankful that it touched my life and reminded me, and maybe now you, that kindness and empathy will carry the world to a better place. Its our roots that hold us together. Keep us steady when we struggle with change. And lets be honest change is constant. No one day is the same. This thought came to me while looking at a set of roots that were holding the earth in place. It was a natural berm. It struck me that without that trees presence the dirt and rock would wash away in a storm. That moment reminded me that it is our roots, our experiences, that keep us grounded and help us stay together as we face each and every day. While these experiences and their lessons occasionally get challenged, we evolve rooting ourselves to the truth that we know. Just like a trees roots are resilient our roots are resilient too. When our lives are challenged by change, no matter how small, we find a way to settle back down and hopefully incorporate what we have learned. Laying new roots in familiar places that are different but the same. Our perspectives change and we become wiser and more complex with time. I'm glad I stumbled upon this life lesson. It was a good day to realize it. The symbolism reminding that no matter how life shifts around us if we remain rooted and resilient we can learn from every storm and every sunny day. |
AuthorHi, I'm Liz. I like to write about life and the wisdom I cull from it. I use words and images to inspire empathy and connection with each other and the world. Categories
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