The theater of life...and finding a way out of it

It has been a while since I posted.  In that time I’ve had adventures, seen amazing places and had time to ponder.  I realized in my pondering that each and every one of us puts on regular performances. Whether it be to assimilate into a group, to inspire, to hide true feelings or to act in ways we perceive are socially acceptable, we are continually putting on the “theater of our lives”.  Often times we put on this theater instead of being our authentic selves…if we even know what that is.  Instead we “present” ourselves to the world around us whether it is beneficial to us or not.  So how do we dig ourselves out of this “theater” and live our authentic selves.  How do we reconcile the expectations we perceive and the truths we feel inside.

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I go back to a post I made a while ago.  We must be bold, take risks and speak our truths but we must also learn to meet others in the spaces of their true selves. Maybe then we can begin to live our authentic selves.  Freeing our minds from the pressures of perceptions of what “we should be” and instead discover a more holistic and fulfilling existence.  Did I get a bit existential for you?  ;)

So here is part of my truth in a short poetic essay. I hope it inspires you to explore your own truths and discover your authentic self. To be bold and honest with whatever you find.

There are days I wake up and know in my bones that today is a day where my burdens will consume my thoughts.  They will remind me of all of my faults, frustrate me by taunting me with limitations and physically drain me as a result of pain.  I will feel like I am 100, although I am not yet 30. 

I will wear a mask to hide the cracks in my facade.  I will grit my teeth in the name of appearances because to show weakness is to fail.

Or so I have been lead to believe.

I will practice this theater, keeping the storm I manage below the surface.  All will appear calm and quiet while on the inside I manage a riot.

Nerves signal their fury, causing aches and burns from my toes to my eyes.

I will want to cry.

And only in an empty dark room will I find the solace of tears. 

The release in acknowledging I am being crushed from the inside.

Yet the hardest part of it all, isn’t the riot.

It’s maintaining the façade of quiet. 

Who does it benefit? I question,

And am I ready to fight it.